


Rock Paper Scissors

by rougesse



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heartbreak, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-07 06:52:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3165464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rougesse/pseuds/rougesse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s ‘rock, paper, scissors’ as to whether she will get over Regina at all. Or maybe she can wait long enough for Regina to realize that Robin isn’t the one she wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set in season 3, before the finale. Emma doesn’t bring Marian back. No Hook. Title and summary line taken from Ani DiFranco song of the same name. This isn’t completely canon, obviously, and I’ve taken liberties with Emma’s relationship with Neal, which is mentioned briefly. Read the tags. This story does not have a happy ending.

She remembers the day she realized she was in love with Regina, the day they returned from Neverland. Thinking back, she had felt something shift between the two of them while they were in that cursed land. She didn’t know what it was precisely, and she couldn’t name it, but it felt like the animosity between them had dissipated, like they had started to understand each other.

Henry had been in danger, and they had to set aside their differences to find him; it made all of their previous disagreements seem petty, and it was almost like they had made an unspoken truce to stop with the silly arguments and focus on what really mattered.

When Emma had rushed into the queen’s crypt that day to capture Pan, the blonde had been worried about what Pan could have done to harm Regina physically. She didn’t consider that he could hurt her emotionally, but when the brunette woke from the sleeping powder, believing that it had been Henry all along, that finally, _finally_ Henry loved her and wanted to be with her, that he saw her as his mom and not as the Evil Queen. Only to find out she had been deceived. Henry didn’t love her, she was still the Evil Queen. Defeated. Yet again.

Regina seemed so human, so vulnerable in that moment. She wasn’t the invincible, emotionless, cold, evil queen that everyone thought they knew. She was a woman.  A woman with hopes and fears and wants and needs. And she wanted to be happy, she wanted love.

Emma realized at that moment, there, in the vault, that she wanted to be the one to give that to her. _She_ wanted to be Regina’s happy ending. Although, if Emma were being completely honest with herself, she knew a long time before then. What she had classified as maybe simple attraction and definitely lust, she was very aware of. Hell, she had realized that the first moment she saw Regina rushing out of the house to welcome Henry back, with that sleek grey dress, perfectly done dark hair, dark eyes, red lips, and then she opened her mouth, and _that voice_. Jesus. As the weeks and months passed, she began to notice everything else about Regina: her power suits, her walk, her commanding tone, her regal demeanor, her wit and intelligence, her sarcasm, her cynical sense of humor, the way she took control of a room by simply walking in, her smile (mostly reserved only for Henry). All that Emma had stubbornly refused to analyze any further than ‘lust’ and ‘attraction’. But when Regina woke up from the sleeping curse, and Emma saw how human, how vulnerable she was. She could hear it in Regina’s tone, almost like she had been expecting betrayal and pain, like it was impossible for her to believe anything good could happen to her, like she would never get her happy ending, the proof in her eyes. Sadness. Rejection. Loneliness.

Emma’s very first instinct had been to go to Regina and comfort her (and she had actually started towards Regina, moved her body half an inch before she came to her senses). She wanted Regina to know that she was not alone, that Henry did need her, that Henry did love her even though he didn’t show it, even though he was going through a hard time, that she would always be his mother, and he would always need her.

She wanted Regina to know that she wasn’t alone, that Emma would be there if she wanted her, that Emma could make her happy--No. No, no, no that would definitely not do, and that was definitely more than simple attraction, more than lust.

Emma had promised herself all those years ago that she would not fall in love again, not with someone who didn’t care for her, someone who didn’t love her back. But in the end, what choice did she have really? She had only been fooling herself, pretending she could control who she fell in love with. Helplessly, hopelessly, head-over-heels in love. She was terrified. Absolutely terrified. So she coped the only way she knew how: ignore it, run, leave.

That’s when New York happened. She remembers being in New York and feeling alone and lost. She remembers looking, searching for _something_ , something to make her just.. _feel_. She remembers dating and dating and dating, and somehow, no one was enough, no one made her care, no one made her feel. She doesn’t remember how many people she dated before she eventually just gave up; she does remember they all had dark hair and even darker eyes.

When Emma returned to Storybrooke, all her memories came rushing back, choking her, like thick smoke. She thought getting her memories back would be a happy experience, remembering that she had found her parents, that they loved her, but the first thing she thought of was Regina, and the feelings, the emotions, the _desperation_ for Regina came roaring back, and it was suffocating. Shouldn’t she be over this by now? After a year away, not even remembering Regina, and now, that’s the first person she wants to see.

And when she saw Regina, _god_ , it felt like release, like all the tension just disappeared, like she didn’t have to continue with that ever-present _empty_ feeling, and that silly, silly fluttering in her chest, that stupid little smile she couldn’t wipe from her face, and the way her stomach was turning over. Well, that could’ve been put down to that greasy meal she had on the way here.

And then Robin. _Robin Hood._ As if he could ever, _ever,_ deserve Regina. And now she had to run into the two of them everywhere. Smiling, laughing, holding hands, _touching_. It made her sick. It made her burn with jealously and anger and pain and hurt and tears. But, she told herself, relationships were always like this at the beginning when they were all bright and shiny and new. That didn’t mean that Regina was in love with Robin. That didn’t mean they were going to last. Emma had felt that way about Neal when they first got together, but after a few months, she could barely stand him. She only stayed because she was so lonely and he was the only person she had.

Emma would just wait. Wait until all that new-ness was gone because Robin couldn’t be the one for Regina. Fate couldn’t be that cruel.

And what about all that chemistry between her and Regina, how the air just crackled between them, and all that sexual tension that Emma definitely felt, and how the older woman always seemed to get in her personal space when they were arguing. She knew she was not imagining that, and that had to mean something, right? It just _had_ to.

******

Emma was currently at Granny’s having breakfast before she had to be at work. She had only taken two bites out of her omelet when she hears the bell on the door ring and feels the cold air rush in. She looks up and sees Regina, her cheeks slightly pink from the cold air, dressed in a grey suit, and a white peacoat. Emma is taken with how beautiful she is; she can’t look away, until she sees Robin walking in behind her. Of course. That’s exactly her luck. Regina’s whispering something to Robin that she can’t hear (and probably doesn’t want to), and she’s all smiles and lovey-dovey and she has stars in her eyes. And Emma doesn’t think she’s ever seen Regina smile the way she does when she’s with Robin. (They’ve been together for six months already, how long is Emma going to have to wait?) They sit down at the table right across from hers, and Regina’s so captivated with Robin that she doesn’t even see Emma sitting at the table across from her.

Watching Regina like this, happy, with Robin, it’s almost like watching a train wreck; it hurts to watch, but she just can’t stop staring. Somehow though, she manages to tear her eyes away and looks back down at her omelet. She’s not hungry anymore, and there’s no way she can eat right now.

She stares down at her omelet, not taking her eyes of the yellow blob, not listening to Regina whisper to Robin, but somehow, even through all the background noise of dishes clanging and people talking and a baby crying, and even though Robin and Regina are whispering quietly, it’s the loudest thing in the restaurant. She has to get the hell out of here. Maybe she can sneak out without them seeing her, but she has to walk right by their table, and Regina and Emma have become something like friends, and she should really say hello, but she just doesn’t like being around Regina when she’s with Robin.

She stands up from her table, and in her indecision whether to say hello or to just try and sneak out, she ends up just sort of hovering awkwardly next to their table.

Regina has her hand on Robin’s cheek when she notices Emma.

“Emma,” she says, as though she’s surprised to see her. She quickly takes her hand from Robin’s face as he turns to look at her.

The blonde has no choice but to stop and talk now that Regina has spotted her. She looks at Regina and smiles.

“Hey Regina. I was actually just on my way out. I’m running a little late for work.” She’s not running late for work, but she just needs an excuse to get out of there. She doesn’t want to stay and chat when Robin’s there.

“Did Henry get his chemistry project finished?” Regina asks.

“He did. It looks amazing. He’s probably going to win first prize. He’s so smart; he definitely doesn’t get it from me. At his age, I was skipping school and trying to get into bars.” Emma meant for that to come out as a compliment to Regina, but somehow she just manages to make herself look bad and bring out her truancy and delinquent ways. So she adds, “You did a great job raising him, Regina,” because no one ever compliments Regina on raising Henry. They only choose to focus on her past as the Evil Queen, and they somehow turn that into her being the worst mother ever, when Emma knows that Regina did a damn good job and if she had been the one to raise Henry, he would probably be getting drunk and skipping classes right now. Instead he’s at the top of his class.

Regina beams with pride. “Thank you, Emma,” she says softly as her cheeks redden slightly and she looks down at her hands. Emma loves putting a smile on Regina’s face, even if it is only because it’s about Henry, and even if it is a different smile than the one she gives Robin, it still makes her happy.

For some reason, Robin feels compelled to add his two cents, “Emma’s right Regina, you did an amazing job with Henry.” Which is a completely inane comment considering Emma had _just_ said that. She wants to punch him right in the face because now Regina is looking at him with _that_ smile. She really has to leave.

“I’ve got to get to work. See you later, Regina,” she purposely excludes Robin.

“Bye Emma,” Regina says as she’s on her way out. Hopefully she will be busy today at work so she won’t have time to think about the two of them together.


	2. Chapter 2

She spends 30 minutes picking out what she’s going to wear and trying on different outfits. Usually she just grabs something out of the closet and puts it on, and now she’s in front of the mirror fixing her hair and putting on a small amount of makeup. She wants to look good without looking like she tried. Without looking like she spent another 30 minutes in front of the mirror, when she usually only spends 5. She catches herself wondering if Regina will like this outfit. She wonders if Regina likes when she wears makeup or prefers when she doesn’t. Then she realizes what she’s thinking, and stops herself (or attempts to at least). Regina isn’t going to notice what she’s wearing. The older woman isn’t going to care if she’s wearing makeup or not. She’s only supposed to be going over to pick up Henry, and probably won’t even be there for 15 minutes. The mayor surely isn’t going to notice her, but that doesn’t stop Emma from trying and wishing and hoping. Maybe if she wears the right outfit or fixes her hair perfectly or says something funny and witty, maybe Regina will start to see Emma as more than a friend, as more than Henry’s other mother. But that’s absurd, and who is she kidding. She’s been doing this since she got back from New York. Before that even, if she really thinks about it (which she doesn’t). She takes one last look in the mirror and sighs. She has to leave now or she’ll be late, and she knows how much Regina dislikes tardiness.

She knocks on the door of the Regina’s house, _not_ trying to impress her, not even thinking about her. The mayor opens the door, navy blouse, blazer discarded and shirt slightly wrinkled from the day’s activities, black pencil skirt, black heels, red lipstick slightly worn off and a beautiful smile. She’s stunning, even when she’s relaxing at home.

The warm air rushes out of the house to greet her. “Come in, Emma. Henry’s not quite ready yet. I told him to be ready precisely at 6, but it seems he inherits some qualities from you,” Regina jokes, a small smile on her lips as she moves aside to allow Emma to enter.

“Hey! I’ve been on time for our meetings lately,” Emma laughs, glad that they’ve finally reached the point where they can joke with each other.

“Yes you have, and I appreciate it. Would you like a drink while you wait for Henry?” Regina is already walking into the study towards the drink cabinet, fire crackling in the fireplace, and it gives a warm, inviting atmosphere to the room.

Emma follows her to the drink cabinet. “Yeah, I’ll have some of your apple cider.” It isn’t really necessary to follow Regina and stand beside her as she makes drinks, but it is just so hard to resist the chance to be this close to her; she hardly ever gets that chance, so she is going to take advantage of it. Regina doesn’t seem to mind either, she just continues making the drinks and asking Emma about the weekend David has planned with Henry.

“Henry’s been really excited about this camping trip,” she says to Emma as she opens the bottle of homemade cider.

“Yeah, he is. He’s been talking about it constantly this past week,” Emma replies, and considers it a success that she’s able to string that sentence together because she can barely concentrate. It’s intoxicating being this close to the former queen. It feels like happiness, like _home_. It’s like sitting in front of a warm fire on a cold, snowy day, snuggling on the couch with a blanket on top of them, her head on Regina’s shoulder, and a cup of hot cocoa.

She can only imagine what kissing her, what _touching_ her skin would feel like if just standing next to her feels like this. She feels the body heat from Regina’s arm, almost touching hers, and she becomes entranced by her hands as they move to carefully prepare two glasses of cider. The brunette’s hands are beautiful, flawless; she wonders how soft they are, wonders what it would be like to have those hands touching her, running down her arm, fingers slightly trailing over her stomach—“Emma.” Her head snaps to attention and she looks up at Regina who looks slightly concerned. “Is everything okay? I said your name a few times and you didn’t respond.”

Emma clears her throat and looks away. “Oh, I’m fine, just spaced out for a minute,” she says as she takes the glass of cider Regina has apparently been holding out for her for a while and starts to walk toward the sofa. She takes a sip of the cider; maybe that will help her to cool off. She wonders if her cheeks are flushed.

 “Darling, what time did you--,” she hears a man’s voice say and turns to look. _Robin._ He stops when he spots Emma sitting on the couch. “Oh, hi Emma, I didn’t realize you were here,” he greets as he gives her a friendly smile.

Emma clears her throat again, “I’m just picking up Henry for his camping trip with David,” she says as she considers Robin. He’s clean-shaven, wearing black slacks with a white oxford shirt, and he actually looks decent, not like some outlaw camping in the woods, Emma thinks.

The blonde looks down at her half empty glass of cider as Regina tells Robin that they will leave in an hour. Then Regina lowers her voice, and Emma hears more than she wants to when the brunette tells him that he looks handsome. Emma doesn’t have to look at Regina’s face to know that she’s smiling, beaming as she’s telling Robin this. She can hear it in her voice. She feels like an interloper, like she’s intruding on an intimate moment.

The thought suddenly enters the blonde’s mind, unbidden, that maybe their relationship is serious, maybe this isn’t some mistake that Regina’s made, maybe she really, truly loves Robin. But that thought stings, she doesn’t _want_ to think about their relationship. She hardly ever sees Regina without Robin anymore. Why in the hell are they always together?

It is at that point, thankfully, that Henry interrupts her thoughts, stopping her from analyzing them further as he comes bounding down the stairs, with a huge camping bag on his back, “I’m ready, Emma! Let’s go,” he says, waiting by the door, practically bouncing up and down with excitement for his first camping trip.

“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to your mom first?” Emma prompts. Henry has changed these past few months. After a few serious talks from Emma, he started to realize that his mom wasn’t evil, and that she loved him and would do anything for him. Emma was elated when he finally apologized to Regina and changed his attitude because every time he said those awful words to the former queen, Emma could see how much it hurt her, could see the pain in her eyes, and it tore her heart out to see Regina hurt like that by the son she raised the best she possibly could and loved unconditionally.

He runs over to his mom and hugs her. “Bye mom. I’ll see you after the camping trip!”

Regina hugs him and bends down to kiss his head. “Have fun, Henry. I love you.”

He says good bye to Robin and then looks up at Emma expectantly.

“Well, I guess we should get going. I don’t think Henry can wait much longer,” Emma chuckles, feigning happiness as she says bye to Regina (and Robin). She’s thankful that she’ll be busy with Henry and David tonight, preparing all their things for the camping trip, thinking only about this camping trip, not about Regina, _not about Regina._


	3. Chapter 3

Emma is currently trying (unsuccessfully) to have a night out, have a few drinks, have a good time _not_ thinking of Regina, _not_ thinking of how long it is taking for her to break up with Robin.

Emma had already had quite a few beers, and maybe a whisky or two, when none other than Robin Hood walks into the pub, with his swagger and cockiness because he’s the one who has Regina, and she’s the one who’s here drinking alone. And of course, as Emma’s luck would have it, he comes over to her.

“Hi Emma,” he says. For some reason, he thinks that since she’s friendly with Regina that her friendship extends to him.

“Robin,” she says, still looking at her beer. What she wanted to do tonight was forget about Regina and Robin. And now here he is trying to make nice.

He takes a seat next to her and orders himself a beer. “Weather out there is pretty bad tonight, bet you’re glad you’re not on duty” And thus Robin makes small talk with her, and she finds how easy it is to talk to him, how nice he is. He isn’t the monster Emma tried to make him out to be, and she is starting to realize that.

They end up playing a game of darts, a few games of pool (which Emma suspected he had let her win), Robin has a few drinks, Emma has a few more drinks. Next thing she knows, the bartender is yelling out last call. She hadn’t planned on staying this late, but it seems she had started enjoying herself and let the time get away from her.

“Reckon we should get out of here. Pub’s about to close,” Robin says as he turns to her.

Emma, feeling a little more than tipsy, stumbles as she hops off her stool. Robin moves to catch her from falling just in time. “Whoa there. Had a few drinks huh?”

“I’ll be fine Robin.” Emma insists, she doesn’t need and definitely doesn’t want his help to get home. She had done this before perfectly fine, but Robin wouldn’t let it go.

“You’re not going home alone in this state, in this weather. My place is closer. Just stay in the guest room for the night, wake up in the morning and leave.” And of course, by “my place”, what he means is Regina’s house. The last place Emma wants to go.

“No, look, I’ll be fine Robin, nothing’s going to happen to me. It’s just a little rain,” she maintains.

“Emma, it’s more than just a little rain, it’s been storming all night and it’s starting to flood out there, you’re drunk. Your place is in the opposite direction, and my place is walking distance from here, and I’ve got an umbrella.” He picks up the umbrella and waves it around as though to prove his claim.

“Trust me, it will be fine. Regina won’t mind.” And he starts to lead her out of the pub, just as Emma stumbles again. She knows she isn’t getting out of this now. Better to just give in, wake up as early as possible, and get the hell out of Regina’s house before she wakes up.

Emma had successfully abstained from mentioning anything about Regina the entire night, but as Robin opens the front door to the mayoral mansion, the smell of Regina’s house, of Regina, hits her, Robin says “Quiet, Regina’s asleep,” images started flooding her mind then. Regina. Asleep in bed. Emma getting in, putting her arms around her, kissing her neck, falling asleep peacefully, with her hands on Regina’s soft skin, her face in Regina’s hair. The image makes her choke, makes a little sound come out of the back of her throat. “You’re so lucky Robin. So fucking lucky” Robin just glances at her from the side of his eye, and a look (of, what is that, pity?) passes over his face. “I’ll get you a glass of water and some aspirin, the guest bedroom’s right up the stairs.”

Emma has obviously had a lot to drink. She’s out as soon as she lays down.

 

She wakes up early. As she opens her eyes and looks up at the ceiling, she has a brief moment of ‘where am I?’ Then ‘Oh. _Oh._ ’ She’s in Regina’s house, in her guest bedroom, sleeping off a hangover. How absolutely embarrassing. She does not want Regina to know this, even though she's sure Robin will tell her. If she gets out of bed and flees the house now, she might be able to avoid Regina. She’s sure she would still be asleep at this time. It’s a Saturday and her phone tells her its 8:21 AM. She rolls out of bed, goes to the bathroom, splashes some water on her face, and of course Regina would have new toothbrushes in here for her guests in case they had forgotten theirs. She brushes her teeth, makes sure she has her things (keys, phone, jacket), and quietly opens the door. She peers over to Regina’s bedroom door, ‘Jackpot!’, she thinks. Her door is still shut. She’s going to make it out without seeing her.

She heads towards the kitchen to get another drink of water. She finished what Robin had given her last night, and she is still incredibly thirsty. As she turns the corner to go into the kitchen, there’s Regina. Her back is turned, so she hasn’t seen Emma yet. Maybe she can slowly back away and escape without her noticing. No sooner does she think that than Regina turns around, and _fuck_ , Emma can’t breathe.

She is absolutely breathtaking. Fluffy white robe that goes just down to her knees, no makeup, sleepy eyes, tousled hair, still not completely awake. The morning sun is streaming in through the window behind Regina and as she watches Regina standing against the backdrop of sunlight, she has a poetic thought that the morning sun streaming in through the kitchen window is nothing compared to her, and it gives her an odd, but very familiar feeling in her chest. This. _This_ is what Emma’s dreams are made of. She feels a silly smile start to form on her face. This is exactly what Emma wants to wake up to every morning.

“Good morning Emma,” Regina smiles slightly, seeming not to notice that Emma had just been staring and probably smiling like a love-sick teenager, “would you like some coffee?”

Yes, maybe Emma could sit down, have coffee with Regina, and pretend, just for a few minutes. Talk about Henry, talk about their week at work, talk about their plans for the day.

“Yeah, I’ll have a cup.”

Regina turns around, pours a cup of black and hands it to Emma. Just how she likes it. (That has to mean something, right?)

“Cream and sugar are right there,” she informs Emma as she points to her right.

Oh. Well. “Thanks, but I take my coffee black,” the blonde says, a little defeated.

“Did you have fun last night? You and Robin stayed out late,” Regina inquires. “I’m so glad you’re getting along with him.”

Ah yes. Robin Hood.Emma attempts a smile, though it probably ends up looking more like a grimace. “Yeah, we did have fun, played pool, darts.”

“Wonderful,” Regina smiles genuinely, “I want the two of you to get along. You’re both big parts of Henry’s life.” She looks truly happy at the fact that Emma’s getting along with Robin.

This is not how the blonde had planned the conversation going when she sat down in Regina’s kitchen. She doesn’t want to talk about Robin. She doesn’t even want to think about Robin, upstairs, asleep, in Regina’s bed.

 _What the hell am I doing?_ Emma thinks to herself. She has to leave. This isn’t her life. Regina isn’t hers. This is Robin’s life. Regina only wants to make sure that the two of them are on good terms for Henry because apparently, Robin is going to be in her life for a long time.

Emma feels sick. She has to leave. “Sorry Regina, I just remembered something I have to do this morning. I have to go.”  She puts her coffee cup down (still almost full) and starts to get up.

“Emma, wait” Regina requests, her smile starting to fade. “I wanted to talk to you about something.” She looks hesitant, nervous almost.

Emma knows immediately, whatever it is, she doesn’t want to hear it.

If it weren’t something serious, Regina would just come out with it, just tell her. She wouldn’t prepare Emma beforehand by telling her she wanted to talk to her.

Emma’s palms starts to sweat. She wants to leave immediately, doesn’t want to hear what Regina has to say. She knows its going to change everything. The blonde quickly gets out of her chair. She needs to get out of here fast. Maybe if she leaves fast enough, she’ll never have to hear what Regina’s going to tell her, and maybe it will never happen. “Can it wait? I’ve really got to-“

“Robin and I are getting married,” Regina rushes out.

It hits Emma like a punch to the gut. All of her racing thoughts just stop. Blank. She can’t breathe.

Married. Regina and Robin are getting married. She feels her stomach drop and starts to feel nauseous. A sharp pain emerges on the left side of her chest. Is she actually having a heart attack? When people talked about broken hearts, she didn’t think it was literally. She didn’t think she would feel actual pain where her fucking heart was. But she does. She visibly winces and brings her right hand up in a fist to press against her chest. Maybe that will help. It doesn’t.

She thinks she might vomit, right here in Regina’s kitchen. _Robin and I are getting married._ She can’t breathe. She can’t fucking breathe. And her heart _hurts_. She is still slightly bent over, her fist pressing against her chest, trying to alleviate some of the physical pain she’s feeling. She puts her hand on the counter to steady herself. _Pull yourself together. Pull yourself together._

“Emma?” Regina says hesitantly. She starts to come around the corner of the table to where Emma is.

Emma takes a deep breath and stands up straight. Regina reaches out her arm to touch her, and Emma backs away and looks at the brunette. As soon as she makes eye contact, her eyes start to water. No. No, no, no, no. Do not cry. Do not cry here in front of Regina. A few tears refusing to obey fall out anyway. Emma quickly swipes them off. Her silly thought that if she wipes them off quickly enough, maybe Regina won’t see.

“Emma,” Regina looks troubled, “I’m sorry. I had to tell you. I wanted you to hear it from me first” and the brunette looks like she genuinely understands, like she empathizes with her.

There was a time when Regina (the Evil Queen) would have reveled in breaking someone’s heart, would have loved seeing someone visibly hurt by her without her even trying, without having to do anything at all except say 6 simple words, but those days are gone. She doesn’t want to hurt Emma. She had seen how Emma looked at her, how Emma lingered, and how Emma ran when Robin was with her.

It vaguely registers in Emma’s mind that Regina had said ‘I’m sorry’, an odd thing to say after announcing you are getting married, but then, Regina hadn’t looked happy to break the news to her after all, and by Emma’s uncontrollable reaction to the news, it seems like ‘I’m sorry’ is the only appropriate response. Still, Emma wants to know.

“Why did you say you were sorry?” She chokes out.

“Emma.” Regina says softly, like she could scare her away at any second, like a frightened bird. Regina almost looks like she hopes that will be enough, that just saying her name will make Emma understand, but she wants to know for sure. She keeps quiet, so Regina continues, “I’ve known for a while now Emma. The look you get in your eyes every time I see you and I’m not with Robin. The jealously and anger I feel coming from you every time you see me and Robin together. The way you smile at me, and bring me coffee and a croissant if you think I’m having a bad day. The way you stand so close to me-“

“Stop.” Emma is embarrassed and hurt. She can’t hear anymore. She didn’t realize she had been so incredibly obvious. She didn’t realize how absolutely love-drunk she had been around Regina. She wonders who else knows.

“Emma, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

This is it. Regina is getting married. That once chance she thought she would somehow have would never happen. Regina isn’t going to leave Robin and confess her love for Emma. Those were all just silly dreams. Silly, stupid, fucking dreams. Actually, probably more like nightmares now considering it would never happen. Regina is marrying Robin. She is going to be bound to him for life.

Suddenly, Emma has a moment of clarity. Maybe Regina really does want her. Maybe she just wants Emma to try, to admit her feelings. Maybe that’s why she decided to tell her here in her kitchen, just the two of them, with Regina looking absolutely beautiful, and like someone she could spend her life waking up to this woman every single day and still be happy. Or maybe not, maybe this is a moment of insanity. She doesn’t know. She can’t really tell up from down right now, but she has to try, has to say something. Apparently she has looked like a fool this entire time, so what is once more going to matter.

“Don’t marry him,” she forces out quickly, in one breath.

“Emma-,” Regina says softly, pleads almost.

“Give me a chance Regina. Please. I can make you happy. I know I can. I’ll be everything you want. I’ll do whatever you want,” she pleads, tears streaming down her face now, “Please. We’ll be perfect together. We’ll be happy together. We can-“

Now it’s Regina’s turn to tell Emma to stop. “I can’t, Emma,” she interrupts her, “I love Robin. I’m in love with Robin. I’m sorry Emma. I never wanted to hurt you.” And Regina does truly look sorry. She looks like this is this last thing she wants to do, hurt Emma, but there was no way around it. She is in love with Robin, and she’s going to marry him.

This is it. Emma knows this is it. Things will never be the same after this, and maybe she will only see Regina in passing now, see her as little as possible. She knows that this is going to change everything between them. She knows this is going to change _her,_ change who she is. And she knows this is all going to happen as soon as she walks out the door. Regina will tell Robin. Obviously that look last night from Robin _was_ pity. She wonders how long Robin has known. She wonders how often they talk about her, if Regina told Robin. Or maybe Robin was the one to notice and he told Regina.

This is her last chance. She wants to kiss Regina, just once, the woman she loves. The woman she is desperately in love with, and she knows, she _knows,_ deep down in her heart that she isn’t going to feel this way about anyone else, that Regina is it for her. And its like the universe is laughing at her. One more slap in the face for the orphan who no one wanted.

She literally doesn’t have anything else to lose, and she just wants to know what it feels like. She knows that she’s never, _never_ going to get this chance again. Regina is close enough to her that she only has to take one step forward. She looks in Regina’s eyes, then down at her lips. There are tears on Emma’s face. She has been crying this whole time. Somehow her body just won’t obey to her requests to stop crying, or maybe its her heart, broken, that’s taking over now.

“Just once. I just want to know what it feels like.” She asks more than states. Regina knows what she’s asking. And because Regina has changed since Neverland, and because she has changed since Robin, and because she _knows_ heartbreak and longing. And because she had lived for years and years and years just wanting one last kiss from Daniel…Regina gives a barely perceptible nod of her head. She doesn’t move away. Emma reaches her hand up, and gently places it on Regina’s cheek. She chokes out a sob. _This is what you will never have._ That voice in the back of her head says. She has to close her eyes for a second, pull herself together. She takes a deep breath, opens her eyes and looks in Regina’s. She leans in, slowly, and gently touches her lips to Regina’s. Regina kisses her back just as gently. Regina’s lips are warm, slightly moist, and it feels like everything she knew it could be, without the bone-crushing heartbreak. The sad whimper she hears is her own. This kiss, the embodiment of irony. Completely wonderful and completely fucking heartbreaking at the same time. A choked sob manages to escape her throat. She backs away from Regina. She lets her hand drop like a brick.

She looks into Regina’s dark brown eyes and takes a deep breath. Tears still rolling down her face, pain still in her chest, nausea still in her stomach, “I love you, Regina.” It comes out as a whisper. Regina doesn’t say anything. What can she do? What can she say? The only thing that can soothe Emma is the one thing she can’t tell her.

And with that, Emma turns around and walks out of Regina’s house. She knows the next few weeks, months, hell maybe even years are going to be hard, but she will get through it, she always had before. She has gone through a lot in her life, and this will probably be the hardest, but she will get through it. Maybe she’ll leave Storybrooke, move back to New York, or even Boston. Let Henry visit over the summers. She isn’t sure. What she does know for sure is that Regina is getting married to Robin, and that when that happens, she will be far, far away.

 


End file.
